The Athenian

CWRU's humor magazine, est. 2000

Aww Lorde Jesus, it’s a fire: 16-year-old singer rises in popularity

Dat Funky Music: A Column by Annie Nickoloff

 

When I was 16 years old, I was nerdy, had the worst hair and struggled with an occasionally breaking voice, which, retrospectively, is really weird since I’m a girl. Back then, my life problems consisted of acne treatment and choosing the right deodorant.

            Now, I feel even more self-conscious about my awkward 16-year-old self after learning about Lorde. Lorde’s voice hails straight from the heavens. Except she’s actually from New Zealand, but have you seen pictures of New Zealand? Beautiful landscapes, kiwi birds, and Lord of the Rings—it’s basically heaven.

            Lorde’s lyrics conquer all the “my bf broke up with me :(” songs you typically hear on the radio nowadays, and she even breaks away from the norm of wanting to fit in, instead choosing to describe things like hiding places and personal struggles in one of her songs, “The Love Club.”

            Also, her hair is something to be envied by every frizzy person in the world: tamed but also fresh, voluminous but also not an afro. Flawless.

            Her rise to fame practically came out of nowhere. Lorde’s first shows in the United States were just a couple of weeks ago in Los Angeles and New York, both of which sold out, with ticket prices rising into the hundreds of dollars. However, her response to America’s obsession with celebrities is nothing but adorable when compared to most celebrities’ angered avoidance of the paparazzi.

            “I got papped today for the first time,” she said in an interview with the Huffington Post.

            Her shows have been well-received and fans wait in high anticipation for her new album, “Pure Heroine” (not to be confused with the drug ‘heroin’) to come out in September. Meanwhile, Lorde is already stressing about growing up, fearing that she’s getting old.

            “But she’s 16,” said everyone ever.

            Indeed, Lorde has a lot of time to grow in the ever-changing music business and will certainly have a strong following behind her every step of the way. However, she’s smart for a teenager. Getting old does kind of make child stars lose some fame. Here’s some examples:

            Dakota Fanning. We all remember her for when she was a kid. Even now, she’s stuck playing roles like the character Jane from the Twilight movies (who, in her description, is only 12 or 13 years old).

            Macaulay Culkin. Most people probably remember him better as “that kid from the Home Alone movies.” He was a lot cuter back then, which unfortunately caused his footprint in the film business to be forever a children’s size six.

            Josh Peck. Peck hasn’t done anything since his role on the show Drake and Josh. I mean, there always seems to be some confusion between child star (fat) Josh Peck and adult star (skinny) Josh Peck. Everyone knows that Fat Josh and Skinny Josh are actually two different actors who just happen to share the same name. That’s why Drake and Josh wasn’t funny anymore when they replaced the fat one with the skinny one.

             Skinny Josh just starred in the recent  remake of the film “Red Dawn.” And where is Fat Josh? Probably sitting around watching Oprah.

 

            Maybe it’s a different world with child musicians, and I can say that it is most certainly a different world with Lorde. At least, she doesn’t plan on sitting around watching Oprah.

            Lorde’s song “Royals” reached the top of the Alternative charts on Billboard, which makes Lorde the first solo woman to have a song reach the number one slot in over 17 years.

            Wait, 17 years? That’s longer than she’s been alive.

 

Annie is a rising Sophomore English/Psychology major at Case. She typically spends her days watching Netflix and trying to learn how to dance.

 

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This entry was posted on September 29, 2013 by in Columns.

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