CWRU's humor magazine, est. 2000
Regardless of where you are in the world, complaining is perhaps everyone’s biggest pastime. Whether it be big or small, we can always find something to complain about. I assure you that, here at CWRU, we’re nothing particularly special.
Don’t believe me? Just listen to an upperclassman conversation for about five minutes and you’ll probably learn a lot about our campus (more than the tour guides will tell you, at least). For example: the All-Night-Diner isn’t ‘All Night’; Safe Ride won’t actually drive you to Coventry when you’re drunk off your ass and yelling at them; Bon Appetit put cucumber in the water, again; SAGES, art thou drunk?; we haven’t had a security alert for at least a week; what is the sun again?
As we all know, complaints left to ferment lead to rebellious societies formed by the light of the moon, and, as common knowledge states, every group of comrades needs a manifesto. Luckily for the administration of CWRU, we’ve chosen to funnel our energies into humor, rather than destruction, or a coup d’etat. Let this manifesto stand as a tribute to our supreme cunning, wit, and ultimate authority.
So, for those just coming into our bubble known as Case Western (or for those that went out and have entered the brainwashed state known as the “outside world”), this publication is for you. Some laughs, some squirrels, probably some commentary about Babs. We here at The Athenian fight to make you laugh, and we do it for you. We sing, we write, we spill ink on ourselves and we party hard.
To the best of revolutions,